I miss Eliza so much and the holidays are so much more difficult than last year. I must have been in shock last last year because I don’t remember any of these feelings. This year I want to buy her presents, I want to drive around looking at Christmas lights and take her to Christmas […]

Dear Eliza, One year without you, It doesn’t seem possible. I miss you so much it physically hurts, it really is like a piece of me is gone. But I get up every morning for you, even when I want to hide under the covers I get up because I want everyone to know about […]

November, I’ve been dreading you. I’ve watched the calendar all year, I’ve counted the days but their is no way to get around it… you’re here. November will never again be the month of Election Day or Veterans Day, my Dad’s birthday, Thanksgiving or Black Friday. It will forever be the month my precious little girl […]

Recently I was thinking about one of Eliza’s hospital stays. We had been in the PICU at CHKD for a week or so and because of the type of pneumonia Eliza had we couldn’t have visitors in her room so if someone came to visit I would meet them downstairs in the lobby. One evening […]

As I sat in my therapists office this week I sobbed. I had piles of tissues in my lap, my eyes were puffy and my head was pounding. It’s like that every week. I unload, I share things that I haven’t shared with anyone. It actually feels like work, and afterwards I just want to […]

 Lately I’ve been trying to remember the weeks before Eliza went to heaven but it’s hard. If I knew I was going to need to remember I would have taken notes and more pictures and more videos, but those days were like any other.  I remember she had her first lollipop at the zoo, and I […]

Lots of things make me cry, but today it was t-shirt’s. After months of planning, working with an amazing graphic designer and print shop our Eliza Hope t-shirt’s are ready!!! To roll it out we did a photo shoot with my sweet friend’s and there little ones yesterday. As soon as I saw everyone wearing their […]

When someone loses a child all the attention is obviously focused on the parents, even the grandparents, aunts and uncles… but what about the best friend, the one that is just like a sister… only she isn’t. I realized not far into my grief that my very best friend of 22 years was suffering greatly […]

 The fog has lifted, I wasn’t expecting it. No one warned me about this fog. It’s like getting the wind knocked out of me… again. Everything looks different, everything looks a little more clear. I think it was easier when it was foggy, when I could believe for just one second that maybe it didn’t […]

The days after Eliza went to heaven I started receiving letters, emails, texts even visits from other mamas that had lost a child. Some had lost teenage children, some had lost infants. Some of these mamas had experienced this terrible loss 30 years ago and for others it had only been a few years. Every […]