Recently I was thinking about one of Eliza’s hospital stays. We had been in the PICU at CHKD for a week or so and because of the type of pneumonia Eliza had we couldn’t have visitors in her room so if someone came to visit I would meet them downstairs in the lobby. One evening […]

As I sat in my therapists office this week I sobbed. I had piles of tissues in my lap, my eyes were puffy and my head was pounding. It’s like that every week. I unload, I share things that I haven’t shared with anyone. It actually feels like work, and afterwards I just want to […]

 Lately I’ve been trying to remember the weeks before Eliza went to heaven but it’s hard. If I knew I was going to need to remember I would have taken notes and more pictures and more videos, but those days were like any other.  I remember she had her first lollipop at the zoo, and I […]

Lots of things make me cry, but today it was t-shirt’s. After months of planning, working with an amazing graphic designer and print shop our Eliza Hope t-shirt’s are ready!!! To roll it out we did a photo shoot with my sweet friend’s and there little ones yesterday. As soon as I saw everyone wearing their […]

When someone loses a child all the attention is obviously focused on the parents, even the grandparents, aunts and uncles… but what about the best friend, the one that is just like a sister… only she isn’t. I realized not far into my grief that my very best friend of 22 years was suffering greatly […]

 The fog has lifted, I wasn’t expecting it. No one warned me about this fog. It’s like getting the wind knocked out of me… again. Everything looks different, everything looks a little more clear. I think it was easier when it was foggy, when I could believe for just one second that maybe it didn’t […]

The days after Eliza went to heaven I started receiving letters, emails, texts even visits from other mamas that had lost a child. Some had lost teenage children, some had lost infants. Some of these mamas had experienced this terrible loss 30 years ago and for others it had only been a few years. Every […]

It has taken me little while to write about our trip to Nicaragua. I needed to give myself some time to process it all to make sure that I did it justice. Aaron and I were given the opportunity to travel to Managua, Nicaragua  in March to visit  Hogar De Fe Orphanage. We would be going […]

APRIL… for 4 years it has been my favorite month. It was the month that Eliza was born. April 12th 2012, by far MY FAVORITE day… and here we are now, April 9th 2017 and Eliza isn’t here. If she were here I would be putting the finishing touches on another big birthday party, we would […]

It’s like she was a dream, the best dream. The kind of dream that makes you want to sleep all day. Her laugh, her smile, her snuggles. Sometimes I feel like it didn’t even happen. I watch videos and look at pictures everyday so I don’t forget anything about her. Even the tiniest detail, like […]