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perfect HOPE

November 10, 2019

My Sweet Eliza

I can’t believe you have been in heaven for three years. That first night was unbearable without you. I felt the strongest urge to run outside into the dark and find you because how could I be here on earth without you.

October 29, 2019

I wish I were you

I see you at the coffee shop with your little one, they are begging for a chocolate chip muffin, you say no and they cry. I want to tell you to just let them have it, that its just a muffin. I want to tell you that tomorrow the muffin won’t matter, that in an […]

October 7, 2019

All the Leaves are Brown

When I was a little girl I can remember my parents playing “California Dreamin’” on the record player, I learned all the words at a young age and have loved that song ever since.  As I was looking out the window the other day I noticed the leaves getting brown and starting to cover the grass […]

August 10, 2019

Rain on a Tin Roof

Since I’ve known Aaron he has talked about Chisik Island, a small island in Cook Inlet, Alaska. He spent the summers of his childhood on Chisik and most of his memories are from those summers.  Finally I had the opportunity to spend a week there. I would fly to Anchorage and then, with his mom […]

August 9, 2019

Running in Heaven

One day when Eliza and I were at Mt. Trashmore playing, a group of young children started running and chasing each other in the grass. Eliza watched and she laughed and clapped her hands but she didn’t join in. That’s when I realized that Eliza couldn’t run. Because of her neurological issues she had very […]

May 16, 2019

A Love Story

  Still, 2 1/2 years later I find my tired mind traveling back to the first days of losing Eliza. Somehow those memories pull at me almost like they are willing me to remember. The mind is tricky; in the first moments of tragedy it is kind. Its like being completely covered with a blanket. […]

May 15, 2019

A Love Story

  Still, 2 1/2 years later I find my tired mind traveling back to the first days of losing Eliza. Somehow those memories pull at me almost like they are willing me to remember. The mind is tricky; in the first moments of tragedy it is kind. Its like being completely covered with a blanket. […]

March 2, 2019

Surviving

I miss my little girl. It’s really that simple. I see signs of her everywhere but it’s not her. I feel like I’m trapped in this world without her. The feeling of missing her doesn’t go away, it follows me everywhere. Sometimes I actually say the words “I can’t do this,” out loud. I don’t […]

January 3, 2019

The Road Less Travelled

Another year without you my love. I think of you every day, every minute of every day. I think of what you would be like at 6 years old, would you still love popcorn and pinecones (I think you would). Now I’m starting to think a lot about what you’re doing in heaven. I dream […]

December 16, 2018

All I Want for Christmas is You

It’s Christmas time, my favorite time of year but without Eliza it still doesn’t seem right to celebrate. Last weekend we had a little holiday party for the kids at the center. They decorated pinecones for angel ornaments, sang songs and then had a visit from Santa who brought presents for everyone. It was a […]

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