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perfect HOPE

July 16, 2020

Don’t cry you’re fine

Since then I have always wondered why people in different cultures receive death and grief so differently.

March 16, 2020

Let Them Eat Popcorn

I just recently started eating popcorn again. The smell, the sound,  everything about it made me fall apart because all I could do was picture Eliza and a big bowl of popcorn sitting in her lap. So I have spent the last 3 1/2 years with a self imposed ban on popcorn. A few weeks […]

January 10, 2020

Collateral Damage

A few days ago I received a text from my dear friend, it read; “my daughter turned 5 today and all I can think about is how you never got to see E turn 5. For that I will celebrate today for many more reasons than just a simple birthday. Love you.” I will admit […]

November 27, 2019

Thankful

When people ask “what are you thankful for?” the first thing that comes to everyones mind is “I’m thankful for family and friends,” but that always feels so obvious to me. Of course we are all thankful for the people in our lives, people that make our road a little easier. But thats the answer […]

November 10, 2019

My Sweet Eliza

I can’t believe you have been in heaven for three years. That first night was unbearable without you. I felt the strongest urge to run outside into the dark and find you because how could I be here on earth without you.

October 29, 2019

I wish I were you

I see you at the coffee shop with your little one, they are begging for a chocolate chip muffin, you say no and they cry. I want to tell you to just let them have it, that its just a muffin. I want to tell you that tomorrow the muffin won’t matter, that in an […]

October 7, 2019

All the Leaves are Brown

When I was a little girl I can remember my parents playing “California Dreamin’” on the record player, I learned all the words at a young age and have loved that song ever since.  As I was looking out the window the other day I noticed the leaves getting brown and starting to cover the grass […]

August 10, 2019

Rain on a Tin Roof

Since I’ve known Aaron he has talked about Chisik Island, a small island in Cook Inlet, Alaska. He spent the summers of his childhood on Chisik and most of his memories are from those summers.  Finally I had the opportunity to spend a week there. I would fly to Anchorage and then, with his mom […]

August 9, 2019

Running in Heaven

One day when Eliza and I were at Mt. Trashmore playing, a group of young children started running and chasing each other in the grass. Eliza watched and she laughed and clapped her hands but she didn’t join in. That’s when I realized that Eliza couldn’t run. Because of her neurological issues she had very […]

May 16, 2019

A Love Story

  Still, 2 1/2 years later I find my tired mind traveling back to the first days of losing Eliza. Somehow those memories pull at me almost like they are willing me to remember. The mind is tricky; in the first moments of tragedy it is kind. Its like being completely covered with a blanket. […]

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