journal
perfect HOPE
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August 28, 2017
Lately I’ve been trying to remember the weeks before Eliza went to heaven but it’s hard. If I knew I was going to need to remember I would have taken notes and more pictures and more videos, but those days were like any other. I remember she had her first lollipop at the zoo, and I […]
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July 8, 2017
Lots of things make me cry, but today it was t-shirt’s. After months of planning, working with an amazing graphic designer and print shop our Eliza Hope t-shirt’s are ready!!! To roll it out we did a photo shoot with my sweet friend’s and there little ones yesterday. As soon as I saw everyone wearing their […]
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July 2, 2017
When someone loses a child all the attention is obviously focused on the parents, even the grandparents, aunts and uncles… but what about the best friend, the one that is just like a sister… only she isn’t. I realized not far into my grief that my very best friend of 22 years was suffering greatly […]
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June 11, 2017
The fog has lifted, I wasn’t expecting it. No one warned me about this fog. It’s like getting the wind knocked out of me… again. Everything looks different, everything looks a little more clear. I think it was easier when it was foggy, when I could believe for just one second that maybe it didn’t […]
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May 18, 2017
The days after Eliza went to heaven I started receiving letters, emails, texts even visits from other mamas that had lost a child. Some had lost teenage children, some had lost infants. Some of these mamas had experienced this terrible loss 30 years ago and for others it had only been a few years. Every […]
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May 1, 2017
It has taken me little while to write about our trip to Nicaragua. I needed to give myself some time to process it all to make sure that I did it justice. Aaron and I were given the opportunity to travel to Managua, Nicaragua in March to visit Hogar De Fe Orphanage. We would be going […]
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April 9, 2017
APRIL… for 4 years it has been my favorite month. It was the month that Eliza was born. April 12th 2012, by far MY FAVORITE day… and here we are now, April 9th 2017 and Eliza isn’t here. If she were here I would be putting the finishing touches on another big birthday party, we would […]
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March 31, 2017
It’s like she was a dream, the best dream. The kind of dream that makes you want to sleep all day. Her laugh, her smile, her snuggles. Sometimes I feel like it didn’t even happen. I watch videos and look at pictures everyday so I don’t forget anything about her. Even the tiniest detail, like […]
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February 11, 2017
Dear Eliza, I woke up this morning and just like that it was the 11th. It’s been 3 months, 3 long months. Your daddy and I miss you more than anyone could imagine, that feeling hasn’t gotten any better. We just love you so much it’s hard to be here without you. We lay in […]
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January 25, 2017
Will I always feel this way? That’s my question to other bereaved mothers and the answer is always the same. ALWAYS. “The pain changes” they say… I try to wrap my head around it, what does that mean? How long does that take? Because this feeling, this pain is unrelenting and the thought of living […]