Almost everyday someone tells me how Eliza has touched there lives. That makes me happy. Just today the sweetest women that I really don’t know very well but see often at spin class told me that she loved watching Eliza’s “I love you” video that I posted a few weeks ago. We ended up chatting about life and loss and what it all means. We both had tears in our eyes as we hugged. It was an important moment for me. It was another reminder that in 4 1/2 years Eliza was able to touch people that had never met her.

Obviously I have recently written mostly about my pain because that has overwhelming trumped any joy that has managed to peak through my days. But I feel like I should share that everyday there have been moments of joy and as this year comes to an end I will continue to pray for joy to show up for me. And that I will hold it close to me when it does. That I will one day be able to return all the kindness that people have showed me and my family. That my love for Eliza will always make me want to give more, hug longer, and to “BE NICE”

Oh 2016 I wish I could get a redo. But I can’t, and so you will always be the year that broke my heart. But you will also be the year that I felt the most LOVE and KINDNESS from countless people. The year that I found strength when I was my weakest. The year that I somehow found “faith in the battle.” The year that I saw beautiful things happen out of tragedy.

And most importantly the year that for me and so many others pinecones took on a whole new meaning.

So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.| ~John 16:22