I love social media, I really do. Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat, I’m a huge fan. I like to see all the perfect weddings and births, people completing marathons, perfect birthday parties and perfect holidays. I post a lot of pictures of Eliza too, mostly of her smiling and happy and every once in a while I’ll post a pic of her upset or mad or crying because they are still pretty cute (see 10/31 post), but mostly I stick to her perfect smiling pictures with the perfect filter and leave the imperfect outtakes on my camera roll.

But what’s perfect?

I’ve never been a Halloween person I can never think of an original costume and I don’t really like to dress up so it has never ranked high on my list of favorite holidays but since having Eliza it’s definitely moved up a few spots. I usually start thinking of Halloween costumes in August. This year she had two, for her school party an orange tulle pumpkin dress and for our church harvest festival she would be popcorn!! Yes a bucket of popcorn!! My sweet friend saw it while she was out shopping and bought it since she knows Eliza’s obsession with popcorn is REAL. I was excited about her costumes and I was excited that my friend Robyn (whose son Evan goes to school with Eliza) and I had decided to help plan their school Halloween party. We bought decorations, candy, a piñata, we had a popcorn machine and an art project, it was going to be great.

On Halloween morning I got Eliza dressed in her perfect costume, I got a perfect picture and off to school we went. She was in a great mood and I couldn’t wait to go back for the party at 10:30. Eliza goes to a special school for children with Autism so you don’t always know how the kids will react to new situations but I had high hopes for a successful party.

We got to school and got everything set up and it all looked… you guessed it… PERFECT.  The kids came out and Eliza spotted me and got sooooo excited. She said mama and I walked over to hug her and she grabbed on tight and didn’t want to let go. Her therapist picked her up to take her to the next activity and she cried and cried and I could hear her saying “mama, mama” from the other room.  When it was piñata time all of the  kids did great taking whacks at the colorful donkey piñata, but Eliza wanted nothing to do with it she just cried and whinned and wanted me to hold her. I was venting to Robyn that I wish Eliza wasn’t crying and that I wish she would do the activities like Evan. I was a little sad and  frustrated and I kept thinking how great the party could have been for Eliza.

And then Robyn very sincerely said to me “I think it’s so sweet that Eliza wants you and keeps saying mama mama, I would love if Evan cared that much that I was here”,  and then I got that feeling when you’re about to start crying and you’re doing everything you can NOT to cry.

Sometimes the imperfect situations we find ourselves in are someone else’s perfect.  Sometimes it’s really hard to see it and sometimes it takes a friend to show us.

So maybe I should pay more attention to the outtakes the things that aren’t perfectly cropped, the things that don’t have the prettiest filter. No one is perfect and life certainly isn’t perfect but maybe its all the imperfections that are the most important and the most beautiful.

That Halloween night Eliza wore her popcorn costume for 10 minutes but I did get some pictures and I did post them on social media but we didn’t make it to the Harvest Festival. She was grumpy and tired and in no mood for a party. So instead I scrolled through all of the Halloween Facebook posts of all the sweet kids in their costumes and Eliza was asleep in my arms by 6:30…

and it was PERFECT.