When someone loses a child all the attention is obviously focused on the parents, even the grandparents, aunts and uncles… but what about the best friend, the one that is just like a sister… only she isn’t.
I realized not far into my grief that my very best friend of 22 years was suffering greatly as well. Kristiana and I met in college in 1995 and became best friends instantly. We spent time talking about our future, who we would marry, how many children we would have. I was Maid of Honor in her wedding and she in mine. I’m Godmother to her first born and love her 3 children like they are my own. Her husband is like a big brother, her parents and sister are like family too, even her aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins are my people…you get the picture. Their was nothing more that Kristiana wanted for me than to have a child, so when Eliza was born she was right by my side. It was the happiest day of my life and although I have never asked her I know that Eliza’s birth was one of the top 5 happiest days of her life too.
On November 11th Kristi was out of town. She was the first person my mom called when Aaron left our home in the ambulance with Eliza. I will always be grateful that God placed everyone where they were supposed to be that morning. I think the events of that day would have been to much for her to bear. And so she called our friend who was able to rush over to pick up my mom and spend the day making plans. Kristi was in Pittsburg at her grandmothers funeral, she would leave immediately after the service to head home to be with me. I would beat her to the funeral home by 30 min.
I could hear her walk in, I knew that she was having a hard time, I knew, that like me she didn’t think that she could go in to that unbearably sad room where my baby lay… but I couldn’t get up to help her, I stayed, glued to Eliza’s side. And then finally I felt her body drapped over Eliza, I could feel her sobs. This loss was happening to her too.
Over the next few weeks I knew that she was struggling with what to do. She was so heartbroken that it was hard for her to see me without crying. I think sometimes people feel like just the presence of someone who has not experienced the same pain will send the grieving person into a spiral of “why me, why am I the only one who suffers,” but that’s not really true. It’s actually quit comforting to have someone join you in your suffering and this was no different.
Kristi and I still cry every time we see each other. Without fail. The first Saturday at her pool without Eliza was heart wrenching. It wasn’t right not having her there. We are both in tremendous pain, we both miss our sweet Eliza and we both want her back more then anything.
But of course God knows what we need, even when we don’t. God knows how to heal our broken hearts, sometimes we just need to open our eyes a little wider and our hearts a little bigger.
And so on a rainy Wednesday in June, God gave my sweet friend exactly what she needed.
Kristi took her real estate exam a few months ago and is now officially a realtor, recently she was showing a house to a new client. It was pouring down rain as Kristi drove past Mt Trashmore one of Eliza’s favorite places, and it always makes us cry when we catch a glimpse of that big hill that Eliza loved to climb.
Kristi arrived at the house she was showing, unlocked it and walked in. As she showed the client around she opened cabinets and closets and doors to all the bedrooms and then she walked into the master bedroom of this VACANT HOME and all alone in the window sill, with nothing else in the room, not even a hanger in the closet, was a beautiful little pinecone. Pinecones have became symbolic with Eliza since she went to heaven and “Stop and smell the Pinecones” has been hashtagged on social media over 400 times and I receive a picture of a pinecone from somewhere in the world almost everyday. I love it, it means people are remembering our baby, and on this rainy day in June when sadness had set in for Kristiana in a real way this pinecone reminded her that Eliza was ok. That she is actually better than ok. She is in Heaven, with Jesus, which is so much better than here, but sometimes we just need a little reminder. Knowing this truth doesn’t make this pain any easier or make us miss her any less it just means we can rest a little easier knowing that she is truly the happiest she has ever been.
So a week later she was back at the same house for a walk through and the pinecone was still there. She texted me and asked if she should take the pinecone home with her…
And of course… I said yes
“But there’s a reason that the road is long. It takes some time to make your courage strong” ~Needtobreathe
Aimee, this is a wonderful tribute to Kristi, Jason and their family. I love them too.
I cannot put in words how beautifully you write. I read every story a dozen times over. I love you Aimee. I think of Eliza, you & Aaron every single day. You are truly the most amazing of all things amazing. I love you dearly
I was thinking of you yesterday when I learned that a man I knew from the church I grew up in lost his 2 year old daughter yesterday. He didn’t see her and he hit her with his car and killed her in Panama. Please pray for Graham and Nicole during this devastating time. They are involved in a church plant there.
Great post, as usual. Sending loves ❤️
This was beautiful. You and Kristianna are lucky to have each other. I will never look at a pine cone the same again. May Eliza continue to rest in oeace and love, and you and your family & friends continue to heal and know she will never leave your heart.
Aimee this is just beautiful. Always praying for all of you, including your dear friends and family. ❤️
love you and K tons!
Always perfectly expressed and heartfelt beyond words… sending so much luv your way!
Wow Amy, that made me cry. I am so amazed that all you are doing and that you have a good friend in Kristiana. Even though we don’t talk anymore I trust her with my kids out of anyone. What a beautiful story.