journal
perfect HOPE
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April 11, 2023
11; Eliza would be 11 today. Lately I have found myself searching for 11 year old little girls and wondering, what do they like to do? Is their mommy still their best friend? Do they remember being 4? Truthfully I have done this every year around Eliza’s birthday, dreaming of what she would be. I […]
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August 24, 2022
After Eliza died I didn’t realize how many people would immediately want to know “what’s next?” Would we try to have another child? Would we get a surrogate or adopt a baby? WHAT would we do now? The questions were endless and I was surprised. I was surprised that anyone cared what would come next for […]
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June 26, 2022
I received a text yesterday from a friend. A friend like me. She lost her daughter Kate at 4 years old, the year before we lost ours. It read… “All these years later do you just, right in the middle of the day, become consumed and crushed by grief? It’s happening a lot to me lately. […]
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June 26, 2022
3 years ago in June we opened the doors to the Eliza Hope Therapy Center. Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on this journey; on what I’ve learned, the things I’ve done well and the times I have failed. I have grown in so many ways but I still have moments that […]
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May 3, 2021
There is no time stamp for grief… that’s what everyone says but it doesn’t feel that way. For some reason as the months and years go by there is an expectation that I should be getting better, that somehow time has “healed” me, but it has not. The definition of heal: to become sound or […]
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February 1, 2021
Are you happy? People ask me that question often and most of the time I cringe because I have no idea how to answer it. It seems like a simple question but for me it’s not. Webster defines HAPPY as: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment. Seems pretty simple but of course life is […]
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July 16, 2020
Since then I have always wondered why people in different cultures receive death and grief so differently.
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March 16, 2020
I just recently started eating popcorn again. The smell, the sound, everything about it made me fall apart because all I could do was picture Eliza and a big bowl of popcorn sitting in her lap. So I have spent the last 3 1/2 years with a self imposed ban on popcorn. A few weeks […]
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January 10, 2020
A few days ago I received a text from my dear friend, it read; “my daughter turned 5 today and all I can think about is how you never got to see E turn 5. For that I will celebrate today for many more reasons than just a simple birthday. Love you.” I will admit […]
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November 27, 2019
When people ask “what are you thankful for?” the first thing that comes to everyones mind is “I’m thankful for family and friends,” but that always feels so obvious to me. Of course we are all thankful for the people in our lives, people that make our road a little easier. But thats the answer […]